The Problem With Claire
by Cainneigh
Summary: Tony learns through 'Claire' that McGee is in love. With him. What does he do? McNozzo McGee/DiNozzo slash. Complete.


The Problem With Claire

"Damn. He really likes her, doesn't he?" Tony slouched even lower in his seat. How had he gotten himself into this? Oh yeah, that's right; he had created a fake person hooked her up with McGee. It was an ingenious prank at the time. What had gone wrong? McGee really liked her. But that was the problem. Tony had tried everything to extinguish McGee's feelings for her, but McGee wouldn't give up. 'Claire' had stood up McGee on a date and gotten back together with her exboyfriend, but McGee still thought she was 'the one'. Dammit.

Ding. New email. To Claire, From Tim. Great. Tony opened it and read.

"Claire, I really feel like I can tell you anything. There's something I need to admit. It's been on my mind lately, and I can't focus anymore. Do you mind listening? Tim."

McGee not focusing? This must be pretty important. Not to mention interesting. Of course 'Claire' will listen. She'll listen while you spill it all, Probie.

Tony typed, "Of course I'll listen. I'll be here for whatever you need to say, Pro-" Whoa, backspace. "Tim. You can tell me anything." Send.

Ding. McGee looked up from reading. He read the computer screen and sighed. He looks relieved, Tony noted. Relieved, but stressed. What will he admit to? What secret could possibly be bothering the almighty Probiewan Kenobi?

Tony watched McGee type away. He took a sip of Coke and returned to his GSM magazine. Claire, stupid Claire. She was nothing. She was a puppet to get inside the McGee's head. And Tony was the puppet master. Ding. Email.

"Okay, whoever keeps dinging, quit it", Ziva snapped. She glared at Tony and McGee, then started right back up with her paperwork.

"Sorry", Tony apologized.

"Well just shut it up."

"Sorry, Princess." He put a nasty emphasis on that last word. Tony reached over and turned the computer's volume off. He'd just have to watch for McGee's emails manually. Speaking of the emails, he still hadn't read the latest one. Click.

"I think I'm in love."

What? McGee in love? That was a good one. With who? Certainly not Claire, right. I swear to god if it's Ziva…

"That's wonderful! But why are you worrying about it? Doesn't it feel good to be in love? Who's the special person?"

Send. Back to the swimsuit models. Tony was genuinely interested, though. What kind of girl was she? Another computer geek? Or a sexy GSM model? Tony hoped it was the first, for Probie's sake. He'd never have a chance with the latter. Tony wasn't sure he'd be able to keep up the sugary sweet Claire act for much longer. Not with this kind of information. But he had to. He had to know. This was… this was a revolution! Another sip of Coke.

Tony glanced over at McGee's desk. McGee had finished typing and had lain his head down on his arms on his desk. It almost looked as if he cried for a few seconds. Poor Probie. Why was this sad? He should be happy, right? Unless this girl was married, or in love with someone else or-

New email. Open.

"I know I should be happy and joyful, but the truth is, I can't have them. And they'd never like me back anyway. Ever."

I actually feel kinda bad for him.

"How do you know that? Is she married? I'm sure whoever it is would love you, Tim. You're such a great person. Who is she?"

Just tell me already, Probie! C'mon!

New email. From Ziva. Damn. Tony opened it anyway.

"Hey, do you know what's up with McGee? He looks awful. Is something wrong?"

Tony replied, telling her that McGee would be okay. Wow, email sure seems to be popular today. Of course, McGee doesn't even know that it's me he's emailing, and Ziva just probably doesn't want to upset McGee any further.

New email from the Probester. Definitely open.

Who is she? Who is she? Who is she?

"His name is Tony. Tony DiNozzo."

Tony sprayed his mouthful of Coke all over the computer screen. No. Tony reread the email. When he looked back up, Ziva and McGee were looking at him like he'd grown cat ears. Probably because he'd just drenched everything in Coke. Right. Quick! Make up a lie. We can't have McProbie finding out our little secret, now can we?

"Uh, just got an email saying a friend got arrested." Are you serious? Like they'd ever buy that. I really need to work on my instantaneous lies, Tony thought.

"Hah! That would be the kind of people you hang out with Tony." Ziva smirked and resumed writing. She was most likely adding to her 'To Kill' list. No doubt Tony was at the top.

"Is he okay?" Probie asked. He really cared? He didn't make some smart ass comment like, "You're next"?

"Uh, yeah. Why do you care?" Ouch. That came out a little differently than planned.

"Sorry", McGee apologized, looking down. Tony knew he'd hurt him.

"No, I'm sorry McGee. I didn't mean, er… I meant, I mean, yeah." Better shut up now, Tony. Before you give anything away.

McGee flashed him a knowing smile. It lit up the room.

Claire. I almost forgot. Email.

McGee can't seriously like me. But why would he say he did? I know! Probie somehow found out that I'm actually Claire, and this is his way of getting back at me. But how is this making me pay? Isn't it worse for him? Maybe he's telling the truth.

"His? You're gay? I mean, it doesn't bother me, I just never knew. What's this Tony guy like? How do you know he doesn't like you? Claire."

Probie read it. God, there was so much she wanted to know. I guess I have to tell her now, though. What am I doing? He typed back.

"No, I don't think I'm gay. I don't like guys, just him. He's the only guy I've ever liked. So what am I? As for Tony, well, he's very handsome. He's kinda full of himself, but maybe he should be. He's perfect. He's smart and incredibly funny. He knows every movie ever made. He makes it his duty to make fun of me every chance he has. He's such a ladies man, too. He's always talking about all the girls he's dated. He's basically a playboy. His smile, though… It's so … beautiful. He grins a lot. I love it when he does that. And when he laughs. What should I do?"

McGee sighed, and clicked Send. He was glad he had someone to tell; he couldn't keep this in much longer. But what good was this going to do? It wouldn't change anything. He'd still be head over heels in love with Tony, and Tony would still be laughing, chasing girls, and totally ignorant to McGee's addiction to him. Would this ever end?

McGee glanced over at Tony. He had his feet propped up on the desk and was reading something on the computer screen. Probably looking up a movie or some place in Florida to go for 'Spring Break'. Tony still thought he was in college. But he was so damn cute. Especially when he turned and grinned at McGee. Oh, god. McGee realized that Tony was grinning at him. He blushed and looked away. He must look so flustered and clumsy. Not that anything would change Tony's perspective on McGee. Tony thought he was a socially impeded geek. He always made fun of him. But what could McGee do?

New email. From Claire.

"I think we should meet. I mean, really meet. And we can talk this over. I'm sure you'll feel better that way. What do you think, Tim?"

McGee stared at the computer screen. Claire wanted to meet him? In person? It hadn't gone so well last time; she'd never shown. But McGee felt that she'd be here for him this time. He wondered what she would look like. He always pictured her as a tall blonde.

McGee glanced over at Tony. He could've sworn that Tony had been looking back.

Continuing the email, McGee typed, "Okay. Any place you had in mind? I'm up for wherever. Thank you for being here." He sent the message and leaned back in his chair. He had his hands behind his head, and he propped his feet up on the desk. McGee sighed and thought about meeting Claire.

Tony peeked over at McGee. He was in a very Tony-ish position. It was cute. Claire and Tim had agreed to meet at a bar a few blocks away, called Frisco's. It would be after Tim got off of work. But of course. After all, they had to arrange a time that would be convenient for Tony, too. Now all he had to do was wait.

"You going home, Ziva?" Tim awoke to the sight of Gibbs walking over to his desk and dropping a stack of papers on it. Ziva's desk glowed in the heavy light that came from the lamp beside her. Even in the evening light, McGee could tell that she was tired.

"No. At least, not yet", she replied to Gibbs without even looking up. Didn't her eyes hurt?

Gibbs shrugged and started to file away the papers.

What time was it? How long had he been asleep? _Oh my God! Claire! _McGee remembered.

McGee had watched Tony and Gibbs pack up their stuff and hurry on their way home. An ordinary night for them. McGee had lagged behind a little, so Tony wouldn't be able to ask where he was going, resulting in a make-fun-of-the-Probie fest. Now, in the quiet comfort of his car, McGee thought.

McGee had walked into Frisco's, found a booth, and sat. He didn't even bother with posture. He was sure he looked a mess anyway. How would he know Claire when she showed? After a few minutes of asking that same question, he decided it was useless. He chose to bother his troubled mind with other things. Things about Tony.

Speaking of Tony, DiNozzo walked right through those wooden plated glass doors at that very second. No, McGee told himself. No. Tim slunk farther back into the booth and hoped that the poor lighting and crowd of people would hide him from Tony's view. If Tony saw him, he'd have to explain what he was doing here. That might prove a problem, especially since Tony almost always knew when he was lying.

McGee almost asked himself, _What is Tony doing here?_ Almost. But McGee knew. He knew that Tony would walk off to sit down beside some beautiful young woman. They'd laugh, and chat, and leave together. And McGee would be only a few tables away, pouring out his feelings for Tony to a girl he met on the internet. That's the way it had always been, and that's the way it would always be.

But not tonight. Because Tony didn't sit down next to another attractive lady, he sat down next to McGee.

"T-Tony! What are you doing here?" McGee stammered, Why did he even ask that stupid question? Hadn't he been telling himself the answer just seconds ago? He guessed he didn't want it to appear to Tony that that was exactly what he had been doing. But now he would have to listen to Tony rattle off details about his new lady friend and their wonderful relationship. McGee braced himself for the emotional impact. A blow straight to his heart.

Here it came.

"I'm meeting someone here. You?"

That hadn't been so bad. But it would get worse, McGee knew. "Oh, uhm, me too."

"Claire?" Tony smirked.

No. No, no, no, no, no. "H-how?" McGee's heart sank. He'd gone through his emails or something. No, not his emails. If he had, he would know. And if he knew, he wouldn't be here. He'd be avoiding McGee at all costs. He'd be awkward and scared. If he knew.

Tony started, "You see, McGee… There's a tiny little problem with Claire. She is me." Tony grinned that smile that McGee loved so much.

McGee hardly had time to process the new, indescribable information, because Tony leaned forward and kissed him.

Nothing had ever made McGee feel this way before. Tony had just kissed him. Oh, Lord! Tony had just kissed him! McGee stared into Tony's beautiful brown eyes and found them staring back.

Slowly, they leaned in and kissed again. This time, with a little more lust and a lot more passion.

The problem with Claire? There wasn't one.


End file.
